Nights on the Soul©

I got dressed with special care. The day had passed in a blur of tears, sleep, confusion. At eight o’clock I sat up in bed and made a decision to go out. I knew that evening the Masquerade was screening The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. The Sunday night theme was silent movies shown to the accompaniment of haunting gothic tunes.

I wore black cotton stockings with my high heeled black suede boots. Long black skirt, sequined long sleeved black blouse, and over this, my black silk waste length cape. I pulled my hair back with a gauzy black scarf. Around my neck I wore a simple silver cross. In the mirror I saw myself to be a striking figure with a sad distant look.

I got into my junky old Volkswagen bug and puttered off down to Sparky’s convenience store. Having not eaten all day, I was dizzy and starving. I got a pack of plain M&M’s. My stomach felt woozy, but I determinedly chewed my candy in between puffs of smoke off a cigarette.

When I got to the club it was quite deserted. No more than 25 dark souls gathered on this hallowed eve, none of which I recognized. I sat myself down at a table against the flat black wall, content to be alone, chain smoking cigarettes with toasts to the afterlife.

When the movie started I re-positioned my body closer to the screen, though my mind stayed in the depths of despair.

Early in the picture my focus changed from the film I’d seen many times previous on my video to a painting by local artist Theo Wujcik. It was a large piece, colorful, a graphic representation of the female sex organ covered with a crisscross of chicken wire mesh.

I found myself fascinated with a small blurb of neon green light that was being projected onto the lower left corner of the painting. As I stared at this light the beat of the music throbbed in time to my heart, which I felt throbbing away in my chest. This nuclear luminosity began to burn my insides as the radiation of heat emitted forth with a connection so deep I wondered if I was going to combust. I thought I could not stand the excruciating agony a moment longer when a hand was slipped into my own and my suffering ceased.

Sitting on the floor beside me was Dave. He had not a smile upon his sweet face, but an expression of such peaceable spirit I experienced instantaneous joy.

I slithered from my seat to the solid ground beneath me, calm, once more a concept I could grasp.

There was an intensity between us indescribable in terms of time and space let alone words. I could not keep my eyes from his, as his were locked upon mine. I feel certain we were on another plane, far away from any conceivable worlds, our own parallel universe in our own state of ecstasy.

During this time, though a definitive explanation of this span cannot be given, I received from Dave a gift.

Placed in the cradle of my trembling palm was a silver ring exquisite in its simplicity, adorned only with etchings of an ancient design carved into its’ surface. I looked at Dave searchingly, biting my lower lip as the ring made its way to the crest of my ring finger. It fit perfectly.

I in turn reached into my little purse for a miniature rosary bracelet to give him. It was something I always carried as a residual habit of my catholic upbringing. I couldn’t find it at first and dumped the small contents of my bag out. Cigarettes, lipstick, lighter, ah, silver!

“This looks old,” he said.

“It is,” I smiled.

He smiled.

We held hands. I still felt trembling allover, but at least I had Dave by my side. When the movie ended the dance floor was cleared of chairs and the visually enthralled audience. The music got a bit harder. Dave excused himself and went to stand directly in front of a speaker. I was so exhausted, physically and mentally. I found a secluded, if loud, corner and tried to look at Dave without being terribly obvious. He looked so brooding, leaning against the speaker with legs and arms crossed. I could make out his face and hair, and the white collar of his shirt, all else upon his body was black.

As I sat there watching, meditating on this man, the little vestige of calm I had obtained totally left me as I was suddenly caught in an unexplained gust of fear.

A song by Public Image Limited came on, ‘The Body’, and the lyrics rang out “We want, we want your body, we want your body, we want your body, we want your body.” I swallowed a lump of that fear as Dave left his position and headed towards myself, his eyes staring directly into my soul, walking straight toward me. The words seemed so primal, “We want, we want your body …” I didn’t know for sure that Dave even knew where I was sitting, the blackness of the place enveloped me, it made it difficult to see anyone a few people away. By God he must have an uncanny sense, night vision. I realized I was somewhat hiding in that dark corner, my black cape pulled tight across my chest with my hands crossed underneath, yet from the other side of the club he stalked me.

“We want, we want your body.”

“Dance with me, Miranda.”

I got up automatically, with no thought of refusing his command.

“You know I love you, Miranda,” he held me close and we danced, so, so slowly among the throes of passionate pitting. The music blared at an almost unbearable level, but I heard Dave’s soft, low voice ring sharp as a needle. It seemed all of my senses were messed up, like I was on some sort of hallucinogenic drug, though I had never tried the readily available variety of LSD around. I was scared to death of them and the feelings I was experiencing, had experienced ever since I had met Dave in fact, were in appearance and understanding different to any other reality I’d previously been accustomed to as being my own. My being, by definition, an absolute existence in its’ perfect and unqualified state, had changed its’ essential nature.

As I swayed up against his hard physique, mysterious tears slowly ran down my face.

“I don’t know why I’m such a mess,” I tried to explain. “Dave, you can’t begin to know how much meeting you has changed my life. I can’t get you out of my mind and it’s making me crazy because I cannot think of anything else. I hardly see straight with you at the forefront of my vision. I don’t know what to do, but it’s making me sick.”

“Miranda, my darling. I have loved you forever. And for you my dear it’s been the same. Say you’ll be mine and I will have you and we shall never again be parted till the end of the world.”

“I am yours, Dave. There is no escape.” The words poured from my mouth as thick as honey, as heavy as bricks. A premonition of doom encapsulated my heart. When I looked into the eyes of my beloved, he possessed my soul and I only felt how wrong it was for him to own me in this way. In that moment, I felt the grip of his bitter claws digging lovingly into the white flesh of my exposed neck. The blood of my body boiled till I was faint with heat.

I was alone in a black box and could not see my own hand in front of me. I was no longer fearful, for he did not intend my death. But I knew my eternal damnation was at stake as I lay in quiet acceptance. I stared with wide awake eyes into a black as dark as midnight in a cave on a moonless eve.

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